life goes on
it is one thing to start, and another to keep going. evidently, i am struggling to think of anything else to talk about on here just like i struggle with it in general, unfortunately. but let's at least try to keep doing this.
i have been quite hyperfixated on traditional art, to the point i forgot how to really use my tablet. trying to do digital feels awkward and hard, and i think it sucks how you don't retain your skills if you neglect them for even just a couple weeks. it's not fair! there's so many things i want to do, it is not realistic to do all of them consistently enough. why can't the brain and the body just retain the memory of it all properly for whenever i come back? so rude.
that being said, i have spent some time recently attempting some gouache art, so here they are for you to witness.
i started out with some still life picture of persimmons, as it feels more approachable than more complicated stuff, and i had lots of fun with it to be honest. it is on the simpler end and isn't perfect but i still kind of like how it turned out.
after that i wanted to attempt a landscape for a harder challenge, but also wanted to try using an underpainting. i do like how it turned out because of the underpainting, but also having it meant needing to do two or three layers of everything, which was so much extra work it really upset me at first. i started it when i was really exhausted, and had to give it another try the next day after getting some good rest. i am glad i didn't just give up on it though, like some "waste of paper" it felt like in the beginning, when i got really discouraged.
i've been also using the leftover paints to just mindlessly doodle in my sketchbooks, so here are some pictures of that as well.
speaking of my sketchbook, i really wanted to try drawing more messily and loosely with gouache in it as well, the way i see some artists on pinterest drawing in theirs, but that attempt did not work out for me as planned. not only have i ended up putting way too much effort and polish into it, the way i wanted to change the original has affected the result, making it kind of a failure. i wanted the bird to blend in with a bunch of greens, thinking it would create an impression of a hidden wonder, but it ended up blending in a little too much values-wise. well, not all of our attempts can turn out great, and it is only my third piece in almost a decade, so i don't really know what i'm even doing, to be completely honest.
as for other things going on in my life, there isn't much to talk about really. i have been struggling with my energy levels a lot, just trying to get through the days and do at least a bit of something. i finally placed an order for some vitamins i have been recommended, that might help me, so here's to me hopefully feeling better when they arrive and i take them for some time. i really want to feel even at least a little better.
i finally finished the last drapery painting i needed to do for homework, also. i have been kind of half-assing them, to be honest, not in the mood to sit there polishing them like i did last semester, so they don't look the greatest, but i'm just happy to be done, to be honest. and i don't dislike them, so.. yay?
i have also been progressing with reading the buffalo hunter hunter (ignore that, last time i mentioned the book, i called it the wrong name). i am in fact at 88% through it now, which i know is slow, but is great change for me from no reading at all to reading every day, even if only a little bit. (as of may 1st, i have finished reading it!) i definitely did not expect it to be such a.. thriller? and have so many gory scenes with so much detail. but i will admit i walked into this absolutely blindly with 0 knowledge about the book, or the genre of the author's other works. i like me some horror though, so it hasn't put me off in the slightest. it's definitely also an emotional and very heavy read, though. and as somebody not at all familiar with details of native americans' history, especially as a non-american, it also feels educational in a lot of ways, which i appreciate a ton. it is always helpful to have books introducing me to and telling me about things i otherwise am entirely unfamiliar with, and i want to learn more about the world, even in smaller steps. books are great, well known fact that still comes as a fascinating realization sometimes.
also, i have watched the project hail mary movie with my partner recently. i was going to put off watching it until i've read the book, but who knows when that will happen for me, and my partner has been really in love with this movie and currently hyperfixating a lot. i'm a weak husband, i see my wife excited about something and wanting to share it with me, i cave easily. the movie only made me want to read the book even more, which, now i'm waiting on an order of a copy of prohect hail mary and a copy of frankenstein as early birthday gifts from my parents. i am really excited! and i might rewatch the movie with my father if the opportunity arises. i haven't been able to get it out of my head for a few days now since i've seen it. it is such a beautiful movie, both cinematography and story-wise. for a good review you're better off reading somebody else's talks about it, but just know i enjoyed it and loved it so very much. i spent the last half an hour or so of the movie crying almost non stop, from how emotional it made me feel. it also has great humour, having had me giggling quite a lot and repeating some of rocky's phrases (which, by the way, rocky is the best character in this all).
one thing i noticed while watching, is this movie felt like a book. i am not sure if that makes sense, but i could imagine reading and seeing this. which is a positive to me! i think it is a wonderful aspect to the movie that not a lot of other movies have to them (not that they need it, necessarily, but in this case i found it exciting). if you have a chance to see it yourself, i definutely recommend to watch it! it touched my heart greatly, and i feel like the story is a very kind and hopeful one, which is something we could really use in times like ours.