postcrossing and drawing thoughts
yesterday i sent my first ever postcrossing little postcard and letter! it felt like such a rush, to be honest.
last weekend i've been just sitting there, missing the feeling of writing a letter, when i remembered postcrossing exists, and i immediately ran there to sign up and get my first recipient. i got to pick out a card out of my collection and wrote up a small letter to accompany it, then in a couple days hurried to the post office to send it out. it made me so happy, and i'm hoping it arrives safely and without problems.
i kind of wish you could send more than one postcard, though. but the site only gives you one code, and if i'd like the postcard to get registered when it arrives, i am able to only send one at a time. my indecisiveness can be a hassle, is all, but it is what it is.
it made me think how i missed sending letters to people in general. i like the feeling of decorating (albeit poorly) the paper, writing out a physical letter, putting things together into a nice envelope and sending it out to a pen pal, excited for them to receive it, and to eventually get a reply from them. it feels honestly magical. i want penpals! though i don't have much to write about and never know what to ask, so i can't even start it off myself.
there's also the issue of mail getting damaged or straight up lost. in the past it really put me off after a few letters of mine with drawings in them for my dear friends just never arrived to their destinations. it is disheartening when you put so much love and soul into something, only for it to get lost god knows where and never reach the intended person.
that being said, i'm tempted to request another address to send out another letter to a stranger. you can have up to 5 letters on the way at a time it seems, and i've only done one at the moment. my hands are itching for more.
unrelated to that, but birds are surprisingly fun to draw! i kind of need to stop myself from hyperfixating on it, because i have other drawing responsibilities i should focus on but. i did a few days of avian august, and also joined odd orange's free session that was themed after birds this time around, and i just can't seem to get enough. birds! birds! birds! so many shapes, so many colours, such a big variety it is scratching an itch in my brain, but also causing the itch to begin with. it's so so fun!!! i shall not be doing any more avian august days if i can help it though, i need to hold my adhd brain on a leash if possible.
speaking of drawing, i had an amazing artfight this year! so many people so kindly have drawn my babies, i haven't received this many attacks ever. all my drawings this time around were revenges as i tried to give back to as many people as i could manage to. i still am struggling with drawing, both the process and my feelings around it, but seeing people happy with their revenges was very heartwarming. i struggle with commissions, because the money and responsibility seem to stress me greatly, but drawing for others just for fun is such a pleasure, if only to see the person happy about art of their little guy.
i do wish i could have drawn something more impressive for everybody. i've been really self-aware of how unskilled i have become, and how much i'm struggling with improving and stuck with not getting any better, and it deeply upsets me. and i know the only way to get better is to learn and practice, but i seem to struggle with so much boredom with it, or just can't seem to understand how to even achieve certain results. i try to analyze people's own works, and can't seem to figure out how something was achieved at all, it just looks like magic. which, i know it isn't, it's hours and years of hard work, but i just can't seem to be anywhere near those levels. i want to be lead, want somebody to teach me, but where do i even find it, and how do i afford it? i really don't know. it's been rough.